Why I am a gamer

 (Disclaimer:In this blog post I will be talking about a lot of things that I really don't like talking about, but I believe in order for everyone to understand why I am a gamer. It will help in the end. So this is a short story of my life. Now that being said. I am in no way blaming others for what happened in my childhood. Nor am I wanting pitty. I am who I am today because of it)

 As a young child my life was normal. My parents, did what they could to provide for my brother and I. My brother is three and a half years younger than I am. So he and I became very close over the years. (I will discuss this more later) Everything was the way it should have been, as I was growing up. All I wanted to do was be like my father. (It is only in my late teen and early adult years that I discovered the error of my ways.)

 Everything changed when I turned seven. My whole life got flipped on its head and insideout. My father got really sick. (Viral Encephalitis) My father was acting really weird. I remember my mother waking my brother and I up and having us get in the car at some ungodly hour. I remember it was maybe one in the morning. My father seemed to be kind of out of it. In a sense that he was paranoid beyond belief. (Yet this was just the beginning) He was messing with the door locks on our old Chevy Cavalier. He seemed to be loosing motor functions. The next thing I remember was waking up and being taken into the nearest hospital and sitting in the waiting room for what seemed like forever. Now my brother and I fell asleep in the waiting room. Only to be awoken by our mother soon after and taken home.

 I was told that my father had been air lifted to a bigger city, to a hospital there that would be able to help take care of him. During the time my father was in the hospital he was in the ICU for what seemed like forever to my. My mother was staying by his side as often as she could. While my mother was at the hospital. My brother and I were bouncing from friends house to friends house.

I didn't understand what was going on. Nor did I understand the emotions attached to the situation. So it turned to anger and I became a very angry child. I took my anger out on everyone around me. I would throw fits and freak out for no reason. It wasn't until my brother and I bounced to a friends house that I felt comfortable that it stopped.

 These friends had a Super Nintendo. I would play with them for hours. (This is when I think I became a gamer) I used gaming as an escape from things I didn't understand or comprehend at the time. It was the one thing I could control, the one thing I could understand.

Months later my father was better by the doctors standards. Which in my opinion meant that he was my father. (Sadly that wasn't the case. He lost a lot of his memory along with the ability to understand time. To this day he treats me like I am a child.)

Things just got worse, with his paranoia. To the point that he came into my brothers and my room, and searched our dressers, closet and under our beds. Saying that there was someone in the house. That my mother was cheating on him. (I had no idea what that meant back then so I was just scared that he was going through our stuff)

Shortly after that night my mother had to file a restraining order, and divorce my father... Again my life was flipped on its head and inside out. I blamed myself for years, I held out that if I was good enough that they would get back together and my father would be my father again. He would be the man I remembered as a child.

It didn't happen, my father went to live with my grandmother and grandfather. I thank whatever judge made the dicision to have my brother and I stay with my mother. My father had become violent and angry. (I think because part of him said that this was wrong but he didn't understand why it was happening.)

My mother did her best to take care of my brother and I. She worked a ton of jobs and did all she could to keep a roof above our heads. She cleaned houses and had a waitressing job at a local diner. We had to make frequent visits to that bigger city, because my father was fighting for custody of my brother and I.

During these court dates my brother and I, again were bounced from house to house. We always ended up going to that specific friends house. The last time I was there. They had an N64. It was the first time I saw 3D graphics. My mind was blown and I was in love with the games.

After the divorce though my mother did the best she could to keep some form of male figure in our lives. Guys from church would spend time with us. One of which had a Playstation. He was awesome, just because he had a Playstation. I remember going over to his house one night I think it was around Christmas. The street lamps, and fresh snow made the are look so solitary. Yet when we got there there were presents, hot chocolate and video games to play. He also had a daughter if I remember correctly.

I have left out a lot of specific things about my childhood. Not only to protect those who were a good part of it, but also there are three years that I really don't remember.

A few years after the divorce my mother found a man that she fell in love with all over again. I am thankful every day that she met him. Yes he and I had some major issues when I was younger. Being defiant and angry at the world makes you a hard person to deal with. Yet I can also thank him for my love of video games and helping my get into flight simulators.

He was a computer drafter and some how got a hold of an apache helicoptor flight sim game. He would let me play every now and then when he took my brother and I to the office. We would also play pinball for days on his work computer.

So in closing. Some of my best memories as a child were of playing video games. They helped get me though some of the most tramatic times in my life. So to all of the adult in my life who have helped me through so much. Thank you.

 To those that think that video games are evil, or are stupid. Take this as a lesson as to how powerful a game can be. I am still alive and a functioning member of society because I played video games as a child. If it weren't for video games.  I really don't know where I would be today...

           UrielLocke